What, where?????

Know I have not been keeping this thing up as much as I want to. But, never really feel like there is a lot to talk about or anything exciting enough to write about. Been thinking the wrong way though. Instead of worrying about what to write and what is "exciting" or whatever else, shouldn't be my focus. This blog is just about life and how things are going in it. I read tons of blogs and I am always impressed with all the things people write about of their lives. Now I am looking at them a bit different and realize they are just writing and its good stuff.

Another reason I started this blog way back when was because I wanted to journal my interest and growth in the field of photography. Which as you can read back and see I haven't done a whole lot with it. Least not as much as I had hoped. This really started back like four years ago when I was looking for a school to go to. It was Brooks at the time and of course I didn't go. Now I am four years later thinking about another school. Not like this hasn't been going on this entire time. But, this time I think I know I have to do this. It keeps coming up and I never do anything about it. Another thing is I haven't shared much of my photos mainly because I don't think anyone really wants to see it. And the fact I have a lack of confidence with it all. I know that has to stop and I just need to do this. My life in many ways depends on it and I think the time has come to pull my head out of my ass and get on with improving my life and jump into what I really want to do. Photography is something I have had a very private love affair with my entire life. Think it started with my grandfather actually. When I was in 5th grade my grandparents came to visit us. My grandfather had shown us tons of slides of the trips they had made overseas. Always loved that! Well, this time he came to my school and showed my class the slides. It was one of the coolest things I can remember. I was so proud of him and his slides. My grandfather was quite the artist as well in the field of painting. For me though it was always his slides I loved the most. Think also because he came to my school and shared with my class really touched me. That didn't happen much in my lil world back then. Really sucks I don't even have one photograph of my grandparents.

Now as for all this going to school thing. I am pretty nervous about it, because I never did good in school. Not sure why other then I just wasn't good at it. Never got to finish it as well. Going through school was like just a place I was suppose to go everyday. I had no guidance in what I should be doing. No plan except what had to be done in the moment. No emphasis on the importance of an education or why. Which sadly has effected others that I love very much, my son. I don't think I impressed upon him the importance of an education and how it is something yes you have the choice of doing it or not, but not really either. He is so damn smart and I feel as if I have totally failed him in this area. My other son is getting ready to start collage and I couldn't be more proud of him and his mother. Will write more on that later.

So, where is this all leading to? Today I am going to the school to take a placement test. Needless to say I completely suck at taking tests. So yea, I am a bit on edge this morning. The one other nagging thing for me is that I am trying to deal with the fact of how to handle doing things alone. Is it normal to want others to be interested and supportive in our decisions? Sure that is another one I will have to deal with.

Wish me luck!