Happiness

happy |ˈhapē|adjective ( -pier , -piest )1 feeling or showing pleasure or contentment : Melissa came in looking happy and excited | [with clause ] we're just happy that he's still alive |[with infinitive ] they are happy to see me doing well.• [ predic. ] ( happy about) having a sense of confidence in orsatisfaction with (a person, arrangement, or situation) : I was never very happy about the explanation | I can't say they looked too happy about it, but a deal's a deal.• [ predic. ] ( happy with) satisfied with the quality or standard of :I'm happy with his performance.• [with infinitive ] willing to do something : we will be happy to advise you.• (of an event or situation) characterized by happiness : we had a very happy, relaxed time.• [ attrib. ] used in greetings : happy birthday.• [ attrib. ] fortunate and convenient : he had the happy knack of making people like him.

Think I am getting closer to my goal of finding happiness within my life.  Know it isn't an easy thing actually.  Seems to me happiness is something you really have to work at.  For some reason I just thought it was something that happens to you, or you just bump into it along the way through life.  Now I am finally getting it, that it is something you make ... not catch.  Just like being happy with yourself.  You need to accept and forgive yourself first before you can move forward.  Something  have never been very good at and seem to get worse with time.
Not sure why I have this problem.  Just never have been able to find happiness with anything I do.  Been reading a lot of other blogs and books f late about all this and the one thing that seems to ring through is how you have to find happiness with yourself.  When I sit back and take stock of my life all I see are the negative things.  How I messed up or didn't do what I should have done.  Let me tell you, that is a long list.  And I have never been able to find comfort in what I already have, but always wanting more.  These are two things I really need to change.  
One thing that has been bugging me is how I have so many things I work on and have these great ideas, but I never get anything done with them.  Like when I sit down to get something done I just draw a complete blank and of course, nothing gets done.  This leads me to beat myself up for not getting things done and so goes the circle.  I have made some adjustments to how I track the things I need to get done and I am hoping that will make a big difference.  Another one is this whole blog thing.  For some reason it does help me because it clears my mind and I see it as at least one thing I got done, course that is when I do it.
Think maybe I should I post some of my goals and projects.  Might help keep me focused as well if others know and can ask how things are going.  Not sure, but I will give it a shot.  No doubt I have had not the best attitude in the recent months.  Probably longer, but why bring all that up?
My biggest goals are liking myself more, and just being happier with life in general!