New power word for 2008

attitude |ˈatiˌt(y)oōd|nouna settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior : she took a tough attitude toward other people's indulgences | being competitive is an attitude of mind | differences in attitude were apparent between ethnic groups.
This is my new power word for 2008.  Something that amazes me is how much I have over looked this word.  It is so important that I harness my attitude and get it under control.

What is a friend?

friend |frend|nouna person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutualaffection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.
Seems pretty easy, cut and dry.  Yet, it is something eludes some of us quite a bit.  More and more I am re-minded that I know people much more then I would say we are friends, as well as they would too.  Maybe real friendships are just extremely rare, few and far between.  Been told that a few times in my life.  Starting to think everyone that ever told me this, really was right and knew what they were talking about.  Course, I am learning that lesson all too well too.
Overall I know these are just things that I refused to ever accept.  Finally though, after years of non-stop bashing my head into a wall, yet another one of life's lessons are finally sinking in.  Wish I had learned this much earlier, what else is new for me though?  But learning I am finally doing.
So what is a friend?  Think it i someone that is honest with you.  That person you will listen to as well.  Having real trust in them that they have your best interest at heart.  Sometimes it is amazing how that person is right there in front of your face and you don't realize it.  Something I intend to not forget ever again!

Good attitude breeds good things

Well, not sure what all I want to say so I will just do my normal throw it out and see where it lands.  Today, and last few days have really shown me that when I get off my ass and do something, things go good more then they don't.  I have always been a procrastinator.  So bad, that I never saw the lessons that were right in my face.

Last few days I have been getting up and making appointments and doing things and it has been the most awesome emotional feeling.  Not to mention things have started rolling.  Feel more pushed now to keep this up.  What is really scary is I still feel like I haven't done enough.  Yet I love what is happening and I want more of it.  Even this blog, I feel like I have been so negative in it.  Now I am starting to see the power of positive thinking and attitude.  Feel pretty speechless right about now.  Not sure what to say or think.  Just know I can't waste energy or time over thinking it and a strong urge to just go with it and keep making these positive changes.

One of those is in the area of finance.  All my life I have hidden myself from it.  Meaning I never checked my bank balance, or planned for anything and put money away.  Sit down and do my bills.  Paid things when I was threaten (more times even longer) and had no other choice.  This is a monster embarrassing thing to admit to.  But I feel like i need to.  Get it out there and move forward and stop doing it.  Which is exactly what I am doing now.  Scares me to death to even think about the mass amount of money I have pissed and given away because I just wouldn't stand up and do the responsible thing.  My thinking had been if I made more money everything would work out.  It was life and all the assholes of the world's fault that I didn't make that extra $100 per month.  Boy, was I ever fucking wrong on that!  Know I can not ever allow this to happen again.  And when things are short or go wrong I need to take an active role and fix it as best I can and never to hide again.  Fuck I feel so good right now!

What really blew me away was about a week ago I finally pulled out Quicken and started making a budget.  Listed everything I could from outgoing to incoming.  And amazingly I found that for the things that I truly needed to do, I did have enough money.  It was the dumb things that with just a little responsible decisions I could still do and not be messed up.  Someone please slap my dumb ass!!!!

Think that is enough soul bearing for the day, but damn I am so excited to finally doing the right thing!

Feeling better

No matter what I learn over time, I am always reminded that there is a
ton of things I still do not know and need to learn. Is there anyone
that knows everything a computer can and does do? Hell damn no.

Was told by someone a couple months ago that I needed to use filevault
in my computer. (Its a Apple thing) Well, turns out not only to be
bad advice but I am having to re-build everything on my laptop because
of it. Needless to say, 3 hours later with apple support and I am
still working on it. This is seriously messing up my day! But, I am
not going to let it ruin my day either. Right now I am thinking I
need to go have breakfast and come back to this.

I am learning, for the most part people don't get technology. And for
the few of us that do, it is aggravating.

Overall today was pretty damn good. Feel like I got some good things
handled or at least got them started. Things with me and how I am
with others. Man, do I have a lot to work on. Making that job one!

Totally my fault

Okay, okay, okay, I am feeling sorry for myself. And I hate myself for
it. Today is it birthday, and none of my "friends" have said anything.

It gets harder every year.