Opening the box

So, yesterday I called my sister. Which is kinda weird for me since I don't really ever talk to my family much. My siblings and I were for the most part raised differently. No doubt this has played into the distance I have with them. About a month or so ago we all were together in the same room for the first time in over seven years at least. Personally, it was weird to see them and their families.

The reason I am even talking about this is because during the call with my sister I realized how much I don't know her. I don't know any of my siblings actually. Sure that is why when I hear or see other people talking or being with their siblings I don't feel anything. It is another one of those things that now concerns me. How little I feel things. It is upsetting to me that though my life i have learned not to feel things. Not that I am void of any feelings, and I think I am getting them back more and more. But to have lived as much as I have and either kept my feelings so buried, or just ignored them. When I was younger it was the complete opposite. Felt for everything and everyone. I do now days, but not for anyone close to me. Not to mention I am really awful at letting anyone get close to me. Do things to keep others distant from me. These are things I have to change, because I feel trapped and in the middle of this fight all the time.

While talking to my sister she told me briefly about something that happen to her a couple years ago. Now in respect for her privacy I will not get into the details. But, it was pretty damn big and really shock me to hear it. More so, how could something like this happen and I never knew? Feel horrible she went through it, but equally thankful that she has an awesome husband who supported her and helped her through it. He is a really amazing guy and I again, never realized how awesome he is as a husband, father and person.

My sister is a fighter and survivor. Hope to get to know her better, and I really do love her. Hope I can show her that more in the future. She has come so far, and I can't even begin to express how proud of her I am. I will be learning a lot from her.